The Fashion Police              

by Paula McCallum

Security was beefed up around Laconia, NH this year for Bike Week. Police were on the lookout for disruptive bikers or for chicks encouraged to display their wardrobe malfunctions. Cops were directing the traffic hoards at Weirs Beach while handing out speeding tickets like candy.

But the most heinous of all offences had to have been the apprehension and near incarceration of our very own Manomet Mystery Rider, Bill Ferguson. a.k.a. Big Bill, Swill or Fergy who was caught red handed in this outfit (see Exhibit A). Bill pleaded that he had no clue he was breaking any fashion laws. In fact, he believed he was making some kind of a statement. Really? in black & gray winter socks and matching knit hat? What could you possibly be expressing in commando shorts and Nanas (his black walking shoes)?

The officer, making the collar, wasn’t buying any of it, convinced that Big Bill was some kind of ring leader in a gangster rap group. He finally let him off with a stern warning and threatened that next time, Fergy’s ensemble would consist of an orange jumpsuit while he picked trash with the other convicts.

There were at least 20 other MMR members abetting Swill this weekend, staying in Indian Head’s cozy cabins, sans heat, except for a nice fireplace. These came in handy when the temperatures plummeted at night (nice time to wear knit).

During the day, we relished in 80º weather . Yet despite the summer like conditions, we could not persuade Big Bill to remove that knit hat. He defended himself by saying “ It works better than a do-rag,” “my head’s not even sweating!” and once I thought I heard him complain “Let’s kill the first guy who says, it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity” as the climate rose oppressively into the 90ºs on Sunday.

While Fergy was on the lam, he ate as if it was his last meal on death row, thanks to Amy Andrade. She bailed us all out by cooking breakfast every morning and she also prepared our evening meals. Thanks also to Anthony Andrade who kept the bonfires stoked at night so we could toast marshmallows and drink beer.

Sherri Palmer must also be commended for her participation in the events that led up to our weekend, for hauling grub and grills, and for riding the get away bike out of Laconia and leading us through the scenic roads of the White Mountains.

In conclusion, Bill was not the only MMR guilty of a fashion faux pas. Having only cowboy boots, I wore them with blue shorts and winter white legs in the blazing heat on the last day. I must throw myself at your mercy and ask to be acquitted of all charges once you realize that I was under the stylin’ influence of my accomplice. I rest my case.  

Motorcycliing:: Just Another Bad Hair Day
by Paula McCallum

Follicly challenged men or those sporting tight crews can’t relate to this serious problem. But most folks, with a full mane, wake up in the morning experiencing the slumber epidemic known as "Bed Head" where one side is plastered to the skull while the other is stuck up like Alfalfa. It’s not pretty. As awful as bed head may seem, a far worse dilemma is "Helmet Head". When lids are removed, biker’s hair is disheveled beyond recognition. Sufferers from this condition look as if they haven’t showered in days (it’s true - a few of them, actually haven’t). Yet, no over-the-counter detangler on this planet could unravel what was just flying "in the wind". Sometimes you think you should just cut it off and start over again. Self-conscience bikers can be heard whaling "I am not an animal" as they futilely attempt to fix this deformity. (look away, look away)

But don’t despair. There are remedies to correct Helmet Head. Some preventative measures include wearing a colorful bandana or do-rag along with a leather ponytail holder to, at least, mat the hair down. This seems to work for chicks with long hair. All they need to do is brush it out after a ride and voila, the do looks fresh (bitch). For us gals with shorter quaffs, no combing, spit or desperate fluffing can make it right. We do what we can in the side view mirror, perhaps even applying a little lipstick to lure the horrified eyes away from our mops. Inevitably, it’s at this time when some snap happy biker decides to take a group photo. And then wonder why some ladies want to sit this one out?

Once you’ve contracted Helmet Head the only known cure is a shampoo, followed by an expensive goo treatment, a brush, blow dryer and hairspray. If you’re a dude, you can get away with just shampooing. Yet, this is not always an option when we’re still on the road. It’s best at this juncture to just leave the do-rag on and acknowledge the fact that if you’re going to be a biker, you’ve got to accept that having a bad hair day is just par for the course. Once you’re cool with this, you will care less about how you look and will concentrate more on how you ride.
 

An Ice Cream Club With A Motorcycle Problem

By Mike Lallier and Donna Ferland

Sunday was a great day to ride, after you passed us at Gellars, I was second guessing my thought about heading to Vermont. It sounds like you had a great day also in Laconia (yes– we too rode up for a strawberry shortcake sundae at the Yankee Smokehouse). We had five bikes from Gellars but no bikes from the Middleboro stop. I like small groups, they’re easier to manage. We headed up Route 93 to 89 to Route 4 in Vermont (that's a nice road). We had lunch at the 4 Acres Diner then headed for Route 100 (that's an awesome biker road). We were basically the only one's on the road so I was able to speed it up a bit, again, what a great road to ride! But we never made it to Ben & Jerry's. We got to about 15 mile from them and it started to rain so we had to turn back. We were only in light rain for about 15 to 20 minutes when it cleared. So the Ben & Jerry's ride is still open for another day.

We both thank the MMR for the flowers (for the passing of Donna’s Dad). They were the nicest arrangement we had received. We also thank the members for their emails and personal comments. -

Detours - A Book Review         
by Paula McCallum

Last year I wrote a book review for “Hog Fever” by Richard LaPlante. Some of you may have even picked up a copy and read it per my recommendation. It was a very funny book about a biker’s obsession customizing his HOG. Well, I just finished reading his sequel called “Detours.” As many a sequel goes, it wasn’t as good as the first. I wouldn’t even mention this one if it wasn’t for the fact that many of us will be heading out to Sturgis at the end of the summer.

“Detours” brings the reader on Richard’s solo ride from New York to Sturgis. He reflects on his past and the changes that are coming up in his life (divorce, a new marriage, expecting their second child, and the people he has met along the way, paths taken). By the end, this journey allows him to become one with himself.

Read “Detours” just to give you a flavor of what to expect when it’s your time to make the trek out west. It may even inspire you to ride out instead of trailering your bike. p.s. Don’t forget your rain gear!

Legal & Insurance               
by Paula McCallum

At our Accident Scene Management class, back in April, some of us were given a DVD of insurance information which every biker should know. Here are some excerpts from this 38 minute presentation (as I understand the information) given by Atty. Jason F. Abraham of the Hupy Law Firm. Please contact me if you are a MMR member and would like to borrow this DVD to watch for yourself.

The purpose of the DVD is to educate consumers (both motorists and motorcyclists) when victims of an accident are seriously injured.

How many of us know the amounts of our limits? Do you know what type of insurance policies you have?

Is it a …

Split Limit Policy - (i.e. 100/300/100) In this example, one person can collect no more than the first amount ($100,000), the maximum the insurance company will pay is the second amount: $300,000 per accident, and the maximum property damage they’d pay is the third amount: $100,000.

Or a …

Single Limit Policy - Means you would get the maximum amount you are insured.

Comparative Negligence - This is an adversarial process meaning that the insurance companies try to find how much of a percentage each party in an accident is at fault. (i.e. If you were found 20% at fault in an accident, you would only receive 80% of the maximum amount allotted.) If you are more at fault (80%), you can not collect. If it were a 50/50 split at fault, you’d only receive half. Thankfully, Massachusetts is a “no fault” State so this wouldn’t apply here.

Types of coverage
Collision - covers you in case the other party is uninsured or underinsured. It allows you to fix your motorcycle, or other property damage. Make sure you have coverage (save your receipts) for accessories you add on to your bike (i.e. chrome, after-market exhaust, red leather solo seat, etc.).

Liability - Pays damages if someone else is hurt in an accident that we have caused. Make a list of your assets (house, investments, bank accounts, etc.). Make sure you buy enough insurance to cover your assets in case you are sued.

Uninsured/Underinsured - Sit down and figure out how much money you and your family would need to survive should you be injured and out of work for 6 months to a year. Buy enough insurance in case the other driver does not have any insurance or not enough (or is without assets) to cover your damages. _